Thursday, August 20, 2009

It's that Birthannukah time of year!

Hi there, Bill!

Hello, again, Ted!

Looks like we’ve got another smashing Birthannukah celebration in front of us this year.

That’s right, Bill. While this year might lack the glitz and glamour of Birthannukahs of year’s past, this year will still be spectacular.

Oh, the old economic recession card, eh, Ted?

You betcha, Bill. There’s no turning this economy around in time for this year’s Birthannukah festivities. I hope Mr. Husband can cope.

That’s too bad, Ted. I’m sure the council will do their best to make this year shine in a new way versus year’s past. There’s nothing a little paint can’t cure.

Well, there you go! That’s the spirit, Bill! Yes, we can!

So, Ted, I have the Birthannukah line-up in front of me.

Oh, you do? Well, Bill, let’s tell the people what they’ll be seeing this year.

Righto, Ted! Let’s get to it. But, first, let's remind the folks at home what Birthannukah is all about.

Great idea, Bill. You're so on top of things!

Aw, shucks, Ted. Thanks. Birthannukah, the festival of birthday candle lights comes once a year for a person and occurs around the day of birth.

You got to be kidding me! That's amazing!

Yes. (You know this stuff, Ted.) And it includes an opening ceremony with spectacular acrobatics, wild music, and some kind of animal circus. There will be eight days and nights of festivities with eight days of gifts and lots of other surprises.

That's right, Bill. And this year’s festivities begin with the Opening Ceremony at Sloss Furnace’s Stokin’ the Fire Rib Fest.

You don’t say! Ribs!

I do!

No way!


This is bound to be a magnificent start to Birthannukah.

I know, Ted. The fans have a lot to look forward to at this Opening Ceremony. In addition to Ribs, like 80 different kinds, beer, and live music, there will be a private ceremony that features bears on bikes, The Ringo Starr Flying Squirrel Circus, Fireworks flown in directly from China with tiny bits from Brazil, and midget tap-dancers that will be dressed up as pieces of gum.

Wow, Bill! That’s amazing! Did you say bears on bikes?

Yes, Ted, I sure did! And one of the bears, reportedly, can speak.

What, Bill? A bear that can talk?! That’s amazing.

Of course it is, Ted, but that’s Birthannukah for you. It’s not like the bear can speak three different languages. Now, that would be something.

Oh, gosh, Bill! You and your high standards. I don’t know where you get them.

Haha. HA! Ok, but enough about me, Ted.

Yes, let’s get back to Birthannukah.

Great idea, Ted!

So the rumor is that a T-800 is going to make a special guest appearance.

Oh, Ted, that’s crazy. We’ll all die!

No, no, no, Bill. This will be of the human-loving kind. We’ll be ok. And, especially, the birthday boy will be fine. I’m sure the festivities do not call for a ripping-off-of-the-human’s-head-while-a-robot-feasts-on-his-innards.

Ah, right, Ted. That is silly. That won’t happen.



No way.


So, anyhow, Ted, The ribs should put quite a smile on all the fans' faces. We’ll have to stay tuned to see what happens after the opening ceremony.

Anything could happen, Bill.

That’s right, Ted. There are a lot of surprises planned for this year.

That’s right, Bill! Part of the mystique of Birthannukah is about keeping the birthday boy in the dark.

He’ll never know what hit him, Ted.

As long as it’s not a T-800! HaHA! He’ll never know …

What’s that over there, Ted? Is that what I think it is?

Why, yes, I do believe it is, Bill. I can see clearly that we have an elephant approaching us, walking upright and wearing a little pink hat while carrying three monkeys in his pocket. By golly, is he playing the flute, or do my eyes deceive me? And what’s that over there …

Stay tuned …

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